Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
