You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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