I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
