Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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