My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you didnt know i had herpes?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also, beer. Big fan.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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