thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
