dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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