my mouth tastes like poor choices
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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