Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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