...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
