There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
