i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
