i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
