You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
