I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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