This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
