he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
