the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
