Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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