I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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