she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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