We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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