can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
