Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
