you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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