it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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