After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
