I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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