What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think a kid would responsible me up
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
