Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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