Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
