I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
