at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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