A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
