ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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