I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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