All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
