Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
