my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Im part way to drunk.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
