my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
