Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
