Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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