Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
