She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My penis needs a shock collar
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
