I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
