I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
