She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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