Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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