So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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