Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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