I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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