In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
