the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
