At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
