Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
