We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
