You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
