You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We left the knife in your bed.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
