p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
