Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize