put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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