Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize