so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
