my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
