I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i think i just lost a toe
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
