I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
