But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
