it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
